One of my best friends just got married in Mumbai, and it was a very fun development to see happen. I got to see the inception of a relationship from just talking to find someone compatible to seeing beautiful emotions develop and now she's married! She always comments, "Why are girls told not to talk to boys, then to marry one and sleep with him." and its so very true. India's culture is in a strange flux where traditional values are being pushed down from elders (read as: arranged marriage) and more modern people (the young generation) are pushing back with love marriages.
One of my colleagues is currently looking to settle in the US and she is trying to find a guy and having a terrible time navigating the waters of dating. If she uses a website that is American based she is very likely to find the majority of guys trying to sleep with her. Not all guys are like that, but from everyone I talked to, women often become victims of harassment, having men talk disrespectfully to them, sending rude or even nude photos over these sites. Now my friend is also checking shaadi.com which is known as an Indian Matrimonial site. This is a modern way to find a match (Here's another modern way with some humor) when you have decided to take the plunge into marriage, but more and more I'm told by friends people are using this for dating or sometimes even hooking up.
The harassment is something I have experienced first hand. Facebook is a large tool for promoting parties, social concepts, and one's personal brand. I get many random messages and it is very hard to know at first exactly what the person on the other end wants. Could it be an opportunity for collaboration that would advance my business, a networking contact to keep in mind for the future, an offshore resource I can rely on to help me develop more business ideas? An old time friend I met a long time ago? In order to figure this out I usually need to talk to the person and understand why they are contacting me. In the very early stages of my relationship with my boyfriend I had to explain to him why people contact me, and that it is not me soliciting this attention. A good example is when I post photos from Wicked Karma parties. If people in the photos get tagged, their friends will see their photos and often their friends are in India. There are many curious people who want to see more photos or connect with their friends etc.
The only type of message I haven't messaged yet is, of course, the unsolicited attention given by Indian men. "HELLO DEAR HOW ARE YOU" or "Your photos are so beautiful will you make friendship with me?" and many other messages that run the gamut of friendship in disguise to straight out photos of a man's penis have been sent to me. It is very disturbing that people feel that they should exercise the ability to do this, let alone think that its acceptable behavior.
I have called out many of these on my facebook page itself, but only now as society is looking to shame the men who send these awful messages have I thought about documenting the kind of bullshit that is sent to me. I think my plan is to leave Facebook to Facebook, but I'd rather like to expose the kind of lack of social skills, entitlement, and power seeking messages that arseholes send over these matrimonial sites.
I think, and with my boyfriend's blessing, I'd like to create a social experiment where I make a profile on shaadi.com, talk normally to people (I don't want to deceive honest people and need to figure out a way to avoid that) and see if any harassment is sent my way, and then publish it.
My goal by doing this is to empower people to speak out against this behavior. I recently saw one article that is calling out and shaming rapists, so I thought in a small way, we can examine the type of behavior that may be responsible for the prevailing rape culture in society, and try to disarm it by shaming the people who commit it.
One of my colleagues is currently looking to settle in the US and she is trying to find a guy and having a terrible time navigating the waters of dating. If she uses a website that is American based she is very likely to find the majority of guys trying to sleep with her. Not all guys are like that, but from everyone I talked to, women often become victims of harassment, having men talk disrespectfully to them, sending rude or even nude photos over these sites. Now my friend is also checking shaadi.com which is known as an Indian Matrimonial site. This is a modern way to find a match (Here's another modern way with some humor) when you have decided to take the plunge into marriage, but more and more I'm told by friends people are using this for dating or sometimes even hooking up.
The harassment is something I have experienced first hand. Facebook is a large tool for promoting parties, social concepts, and one's personal brand. I get many random messages and it is very hard to know at first exactly what the person on the other end wants. Could it be an opportunity for collaboration that would advance my business, a networking contact to keep in mind for the future, an offshore resource I can rely on to help me develop more business ideas? An old time friend I met a long time ago? In order to figure this out I usually need to talk to the person and understand why they are contacting me. In the very early stages of my relationship with my boyfriend I had to explain to him why people contact me, and that it is not me soliciting this attention. A good example is when I post photos from Wicked Karma parties. If people in the photos get tagged, their friends will see their photos and often their friends are in India. There are many curious people who want to see more photos or connect with their friends etc.
The only type of message I haven't messaged yet is, of course, the unsolicited attention given by Indian men. "HELLO DEAR HOW ARE YOU" or "Your photos are so beautiful will you make friendship with me?" and many other messages that run the gamut of friendship in disguise to straight out photos of a man's penis have been sent to me. It is very disturbing that people feel that they should exercise the ability to do this, let alone think that its acceptable behavior.
I have called out many of these on my facebook page itself, but only now as society is looking to shame the men who send these awful messages have I thought about documenting the kind of bullshit that is sent to me. I think my plan is to leave Facebook to Facebook, but I'd rather like to expose the kind of lack of social skills, entitlement, and power seeking messages that arseholes send over these matrimonial sites.
I think, and with my boyfriend's blessing, I'd like to create a social experiment where I make a profile on shaadi.com, talk normally to people (I don't want to deceive honest people and need to figure out a way to avoid that) and see if any harassment is sent my way, and then publish it.
My goal by doing this is to empower people to speak out against this behavior. I recently saw one article that is calling out and shaming rapists, so I thought in a small way, we can examine the type of behavior that may be responsible for the prevailing rape culture in society, and try to disarm it by shaming the people who commit it.
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