So long to shaadi.com

So the initial concept for a social experiment was sound! However, in practicality the experiment as it is will not work.

I set up my account, which was arduous to say the least. I found a nice stock photo of a girl to submit, used a google voice account (which unfortunately forwarded to my real stuff), photoshopped my driver's license, and finally was approved. In the middle of the work day. SPAM! Spam all over my email, random text messages being sent to me. I was busy with work when it happened so I didn't notice it until later.

I interact with two dev teams who are offshore in Gurgaon for part of my project and so at night I was busy with them. It wasn't until 6.30 Friday morning I woke up disturbed by text messages coming from who knows where.

I sent some rude things back and after seeing just the amount of spam, even turning everything off as much as possible, I can't handle it for the experiment's sake.

I do have to say, though, that everyone was polite. I think the majority are probably coming here to actually find a match for more than just one night, or at least there was no initial shock like some of the messages I've had on Facebook and elsewhere, so for now, I've deleted my profile. I hope they all find whoever they are searching for!

In the meantime, my knee is doing better so I got to visit Snoqualmie Falls this weekend. Didn't do the hike down to the fall but felt good to get some fresh air and walk a little bit! Still struggling with stairs a bit, but getting there!

Impromptu fashion show! Some leggings came in the mail, I found a good sale at Fred Meyer, and finally was able to try on a Lehenga I was planning to wear for Valentine's day but couldn't. Surprisingly but happy all of them got the boyfriend's appreciation too. Yay. Sometime's you can't help but enjoy that. Now just need the warmer weather to come to accompany the clothes!

Holi is well on its way to arriving soon which means colored hair, a messy car, doing a few loads of wash and a Bollywood party in a club  where we can't throw color. What a task to reinvent such an old tradition. We are going to GLOW our colors instead of throw them and have a lot of fun with glowsticks and what not! Can't wait.

More interesting thoughts when I think of them, 

Gratitude and Waiting

I don't have much of a focused theme for today's post. Just jotting down a few quick thoughts before my lunch break is up.

A week ago or so I hurt my knee. I was kneeling/crouching to put air in my tires. I was wrestling a bear. Two days later there was swelling, and I was completely unable to put weight on my right leg. I ended up going to an urgent care center and was diagnosed with bursitis. I think life wanted to poke me a little and remind me not to take anything for granted. Showering, putting on clean clothes, being pain free, not worrying about taking too much ibuprofen or tylenol are generally things we do daily and we don't think anything about it.

I spent a few mornings crying, unable to even stand up from the pain after using the restroom in the morning and it was very dehumanizing. It made me realize how much a person has, even if he hardly has anything at all. Health is truly wealth.

My boyfriend luckily took the best care of me that was possible. I was enduring the Facebook onslaught of Valentine's Day dates, dinners, flowers, chocolates, drinks, romance, proposals, and marriages. I felt supreme in having a gift that can't come in a box nor be delivered with roses. True caring and companionship on the deepest level.  I can't even take a picture of this intangible thing to post on Facebook, but its surely there since I felt it.

In the meantime I am waiting for some identity approval over at Shaadi.com to execute the previously thought out experiment. There are so many types of verifications and approvals I hope I am still able to conduct this experiment. If I am not, I will revert back to an American dating site which will surely reveal just as terrible mannerisms and behavior.

One final thought, on today which is a day that celebrates when Shiva married Parvati and they danced in the mountains, Shivaratri, I am not observing a fast. I will be eating vegetarian. I wanted to prove that I can walk in the path of a Hindu but I don't think I'm ready to take it on completely yet and doing so at a random point, might have less meaning. Do I mean to convert? Convert from what? In some schools of thought we are all born Hindu and its merely learning the poojas and practices. I was advised to study deeper into the meaning and if I felt strong enough, then do the appropriate fasting.

While I'm searching my own introspection to find out how I feel about that, I do feel very strongly against whatever sad, sadistic moron decided to defile Bothell's Hindu temple with a nazi swastika and the words "get out" .. The same person also spray painted the same to a school yesterday but it was addressed to Muslims .It is so sad to see ignorance breeding intolerance. This person clearly didn't even realize that swastiks come from Hinduism and were sadly misused by the nazis. I can only hope this person becomes educated and more matured and understanding on the matter, and hopefully more educated.

A Social Experiment is coming

One of my best friends just got married in Mumbai, and it was a very fun development to see happen. I got to see the inception of a relationship from just talking to find someone compatible to seeing beautiful emotions develop and now she's married! She always comments, "Why are girls told not to talk to boys, then to marry one and sleep with him." and its so very true. India's culture is in a strange flux where traditional values are being pushed down from elders (read as: arranged marriage) and more modern people (the young generation) are pushing back with love marriages.

One of my colleagues is currently looking to settle in the US and she is trying to find a guy and having a terrible time navigating the waters of dating. If she uses a website that is  American based she is very likely to find the majority of guys trying to sleep with her. Not all guys are like that, but from everyone I talked to, women often become victims of harassment, having men talk disrespectfully to them, sending rude or even nude photos over these sites. Now my friend is also checking shaadi.com which is known as an Indian Matrimonial site. This is a modern way to find a match (Here's another modern way with some humor) when you have decided to take the plunge into marriage, but more and more I'm told by friends people are using this for dating or sometimes even hooking up.

The harassment is something I have experienced first hand. Facebook is a large tool for promoting parties, social concepts, and one's personal brand. I get many random messages and it is very hard to know at first exactly what the person on the other end wants. Could it be an opportunity for collaboration that would advance my business, a networking contact to keep in mind for the future, an offshore resource I can rely on to help me develop more business ideas? An old time friend I met a long time ago? In order to figure this out I usually need to talk to the person and understand why they are contacting me. In the very early stages of my relationship with my boyfriend I had to explain to him why people contact me, and that it is not me soliciting this attention. A good example is when I post photos from Wicked Karma parties. If people in the photos get tagged, their friends will see their photos and often their friends are in India. There are many curious people who want to see more photos or connect with their friends etc.

The only type of message I haven't messaged yet is, of course, the unsolicited attention given by Indian men. "HELLO DEAR HOW ARE YOU" or "Your photos are so beautiful will you make friendship with me?" and many other messages that run the gamut of friendship in disguise to straight out photos of a man's penis have been sent to me. It is very disturbing that people feel that they should exercise the ability to do this, let alone think that its acceptable behavior.

I have called out many of these on my facebook page itself, but only now as society is looking to shame the men who send these awful messages have I thought about documenting the kind of bullshit that is sent to me. I think my plan is to leave Facebook to Facebook, but I'd rather like to expose the kind of lack of social skills, entitlement, and power seeking messages that arseholes send over these matrimonial sites.

I think, and with my boyfriend's blessing, I'd like to create a social experiment where I make a profile on shaadi.com, talk normally to people (I don't want to deceive honest people and need to figure out a way to avoid that) and see if any harassment is sent my way, and then publish it.

My goal by doing this is to empower people to speak out against this behavior. I recently saw one article that is calling out and shaming rapists, so I thought in a small way, we can examine the type of behavior that may be responsible for the prevailing rape culture in society, and try to disarm it by shaming the people who commit it.